It starts with a glance
by Pilotofmymind
Summary: A collection of drabbles/one-shots featuring Professor X and Magneto sometimes Erik/Charles
1. Forgive

It hurts too much to remember what it was; what they were; to remember that once Erik had touched him with gentle hands, and spoken softly to him; that once they had been after the same thing; it hurts too bad to remember, so he dreams.

Some nights he will lie in bed for hours, thinking of the past (and then regretting it), sometimes he will reach, and reach, and reach; until he thinks he's touching the corners of Erik's mind. It is on nights like those that he can't sleep until he wraps himself around a memory he keeps hidden away; until he concentrates so hard he can feel the ghost of a touch; the whispers in his ear; the love he thought he'd had.

On nights like those he dreams he is not Professor X. He dreams Erik is not Magneto. He dreams that they are them; that they are together. He dreams that Erik loved (loves) him.

He sleeps, and he remembers a time he likes to pretend never happened.

He dreams, and he awakes with Erik's voice loud in his mind; and before he can even take in what he's saying (what he's begging for) he shuts the connection (though he had opened it, himself). And he pretends not to remember his dreams; and when his students ask how he slept (some of the braver ones go so far as to ask why he looks so satisfied), Charles will smile a teachers smile, and simply say "It was a good night."

But when he lies down to sleep after the day has ended he will hear a voice in the back of his mind, pleadingly whispering to him; and he will pretend not to hear it, and he will drift into a restless sleep, with Erik's voice sounding in his mind; and though it's a whisper, it is deafening.

(_Forgive me…_)

[_… No._]


	2. Hope

Without hope we often find that we cannot go on; that we are broken. But hope isn't something so easily obtained, not like it used to be; hope, it would seem, is incredibly scarce these days.

Hope is something that comes in many forms, and fashions. Under many names. Many forms (many faces).

Hope often times will keep us alive under the most strenuous of circumstances, against the greatest of odds.

Hope will lift us from the ground, when we crash down under the weight of all of the pain; anger; hate (_deathviolencehatehatehatehate_).

Hope will tell us to keep walking, even when the winds are knocking our feet out from underneath us.

Hope will smile, and offer a hand when we don't think we can stand on our own again.

Hope will lie to you, until you believe in yourself. Hope will make you keep walking, running; crying; begging; hope will ensure you make it through.

But hope was much harder to find these days than it used to be. Hope had flown from him the same way the missiles had. Hope, he realized, had gone by the name Charles Xavier; it had had eyes so blue the sky looked dull; lips red enough to make him think of blood; flush on its cheeks pink to make him think of the sunset; hands soft enough to soothe him; and a mind like a trip wire.

And hope, he realized, would be trying to call him back, as long as it could. Because hope was persistent, and hope never gave up on you; even when you had long since given up on yourself.

Idly Erik wondered if he loved hope; be he concluded that he loathed it.

… until he would remember the sweet, honey smooth voice hope would use on him.


	3. pain worse than bleeding

There are worse things, Erik realizes, than yelling and screaming during a fight. The silent, calm fury that Charles Xavier exudes is one of them (a fury that doesn't promise violence in the near future the way Erik's does, but rather it holds something even worse than all of the physical hurt in the world could for Erik, pain he can deal with, but lack of forgiveness he cannot. And the thought that Charles might not forgive him is nearly more than he can handle.)

(_I want you by my side_)

There's something wrong, but he can't quite tell what it is, his hands are trembling slightly as he grips Charles shoulder maybe a little harder than he intended to; but Charles remains silent, looking up at him with wide blue eyes, and a strange expression; it isn't open the way it usually is and Erik doesn't understand where he went wrong; what he did to cause this grief

(_we're brothers you and I_)

_Is there nothing_, he wonders as he gazes down into those beautiful blue eyes, so open and expressive; yet guarded and haunted with a pain Erik doesn't understand; a pain he can't begin to believe he is causing, _I can do to fix this? To gain forgiveness?_

(_all of us together_)

There's more than the situation wrong here; and Charles is trembling in a way Erik doesn't understand, yet he knows it is a bad thing. He knows, without acknowledging what is wrong here, yet he refuses to believe it. And he talks so that the silence won't deafen him.

(_protecting each other_)

But it isn't helping because it is only his own voice that rings back in his ears, and crashes through his mind. And he desperately wants to hear Charles say yes; to have Charles stand at his side (to have Charles), and if only Charles would take his hand things would work out fine; and he would be okay.

They would be okay.

(_we want the same thing_)

Desperately wants to hear Charles say anything, because anything is better than nothing; because with nothing he is left with his own words echoing uselessly in his mind, and he doesn't know how to deal with that.

But knows even less on dealing with this sort of situation; so he clings desperately to the only friend he ever had, and hopes.

[_Oh my friend, I'm sorry, but we do not.]_

Hopes are always so easily dashed, and broken.

Hopes and hearts.

And as Charles slips from his grasp to Moira's, Erik wonders if his heart is falling to pieces at his feet; or if that's simply the sand dropping from his uniform.


	4. Fool

The construction is much slower than he had anticipated it would be; but Charles knows that patience is a virtue, and so he just smiles and nods when the foreman tells him they'll have to put pouring the foundation off for another day, on account of the machine malfunctioning. The men leave at the end of the day, and Charles is left sitting in an empty yard, surrounded by equipment, and lumber; and bags of cement.

There's something here that makes him smile; but there's a pain in his heart that makes him hurt like nothing else ever has before; and like nothing ever will again. But he can ignore that for now; even for all of the pain it causes him when he lets his mind wander (and that in its self can be an extremely dangerous practice).

A soft sigh escaped him, and Charles shook his head; it didn't matter, none of that mattered. None of the past (but didn't it? Hadn't it made him who he was today?), only the future. Only the institute he was having built. Only helping other mutants.

If only things had gone as he had planned, he wouldn't be here alone, if-

"Hello Magnus." Charles voice was soft; nearly a whisper (a whisper that felt as if it were being torn from his very soul) and he didn't even bother to turn toward the other man as he lowered himself to the ground behind Charles' wheelchair; it wouldn't make a difference either way; this would end in a disagreement, and Magnus leaving in an angry fit. Same old story, over and over, Charles thought frowning.

"You're a fool, Charles." Didn't their conversations generally start like this? But then, he was willing to agree to that; he was a fool (but not for the reasons Magnus thought; he was a fool for having put up with the things Magnus did, and said for so long)

"Perhaps." Charles said with a sigh, as he turned the chair toward Magnus who was watching him strangely; frowning, and looking almost… disappointed. "What are you doing here, Magnus?" Charles asked, slightly exasperated, and not really willing to listen to Magnus' tale of _Homo Superior_.

"Why do you lower yourself to associate with these people, Charles?" Magnus seemed genuinely curious; seemed to truly believe that Charles was lowering himself when he lived among humans,

Scowling Charles shook his head slightly, "You don't understand, Magnus. You never, truly, have." Magnus seemed as exasperated as he himself was; which annoyed Charles slightly,

"It is you who does not understand, Charles-"

"Magnus please"

"Don't you realize that you are superior to these people?"

"You are wrong, old friend." Charles said closing his eyes and shaking his head slightly, "You have always been wrong about-"

"No!" Magnus snapped, to Charles surprise; generally Magnus refrained from lashing out at him, Charles eyes opened slowly as Magnus moved closer, kneeling in front of him, "You are better than them, Charles." He said again, more firmly than before, "You should not do this to yourself." He almost sounded desperate; and if Charles didn't know any better he would think Magnus was trying to convince him of this because he needed (_wanted_) a friend.

"They will never accept you for who-what you are Charles, you know this." Charles continued to scowl, and looked away; despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to continue to stare into Magnus' grey eyes (which held depths like nothing else he had ever before experienced; held emotions no one would believe the other man capable of; held something Charles, and Magnus both liked to deny). "You deserve better." It was a whisper Charles barely caught; and honestly he wasn't even sure Magnus had spoken it aloud.

"Look around you" Magnus stood abruptly, and Charles reluctantly cast a glance about the area, "these humans use you for your money, and wait to do something" he raised his hands as he said this, much to Charles annoyance, and the metal around them began to tremble, "they should have finished, already."

"Magnus no!" Charles said frantically; afraid someone might see what Magnus was doing; and realize what was going on here; logically he knew that there was no reason for someone to be out this far, but that didn't make it any less dangerous,

"This is proof Charles" Magnus said as things began to move through the air, swishing passed them, and to Charles surprise his chair moved forward; coming to a rest underneath Magnus' raised, outstretched arm, giving him a full view of what Magnus was doing.

It was odd to see the construction site coming to life; though Charles would have been able to do this himself, to watch the building begin to construct itself. But he had to admit, there was something in Magnus' actions that made him… pleased. Magnus was trying to help him (even if it was just to prove a point).

"You see Charles? We are superior to the humans. It takes me only a moment to do what takes them months." Charles remained silent as Magnus looked down at him; and he looked away; flustered, and annoyed with the other man.

"But it is to no avail." He heard Magnus say with a sigh; and he pretended not to understand what the other man meant as he heard the creak of metal; the sound of rivets puncturing the supports for what would later become the Danger Room.

"You will never" Magnus said as he lowered his hands and turned toward Charles, "see yourself the way…" he trailed off looking away; and Charles found himself relieved Magnus had stopped, "you should."

"No, Magnus" Charles said softly, as he reached out toward the other man, "I will never see _us_ the way you think we should be seen." He corrected as his hand caught Magnus', and for a moment Magnus pressed his hand lightly, "I must do this." He said quietly, "I must show the world that we mutants are normal. That we are just like them, I must help them to realize that humans and mutants can live alongside each other, peacefully."

Magnus sighed as he drew his hand back, a little quicker than he had originally intended to, "You're a fool, Charles." He said again, and Charles knew it was only being said because Magnus was too annoyed to say anything else.

He smiled softly and watched Magnus as he began to rise from the ground, "I do believe" he said softly, "that you may be correct." Magnus gave him a strange look, and shook his head slightly, and then he was soaring away before Charles could get the words out; and again he felt the dull ache in his heart that he had the entire day.

__Sighing Charles turns away from where he is watched Magnus disappear; and he knows that in the morning he will arrive on the construction site (where Magnus poured the foundation; a useful metal concrete pourer able to be manipulated by him) he will feign surprise, and tell them how well they are doing; all the while aching like he hasn't in years, as he looks to the sky; searching for Magnus, knowing he won't be there.

[_Why don't you stay here with me, Magnus_?]

**A/N: This only exists because I made a joke to my sister about how cool it would be to be Magneto while rewiring our house =|  
**


End file.
